Text Box:    By Cynthia DiSciullo and William Zigmont

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  30

 

EXCERPT:  Sprate, an entrepreneur, thought maybe if he gave it away, he might market himself as a Quote Mechanic.  “Just for you, my good friend.  Just for you, this one is free.  Nymphomaniac is someone who is having more sex than you.”

Little Books Parody

 

 LITTLE BOOKS SERIES OF FEGHOOTS AND GROANERS

~a collection of  an  irreverent and humorous  parody of  fairy tales~

 Remember the Fractured Fairytales of Rocky and Bullwinkle?  Many of our canard tales are a homage to that style.  Parody.  False Tales. Stories.

The parody blanketed in its feeble and oft ridiculous effort to imitate a style or part of another author’s work for the purpose of comic effect has been a staple in writing.  The idea of touching something others can connect to, yet poking that pointer finger at the ribs of the readers, why, to tickle, silly.

These stories are sometimes called Shaggy Dog Stories or Feghoots.  They are irreverent dances with inane frivolity, oft pointless and having absurd punch lines.  The use of puns is almost a must.

The play of words with Spooneristic styling as the design, many of our yarns are built in a like-lab that created Mr. Peabody’s Improbable History.

We hope you find our Groaners entertaining and maybe gently thought provoking.

As noted this work is a parody.  Many of the stories may or may not be familiar,

a few are found in the public domain, but we hope our slant placed upon

them is unique.

 

ENJOY!

Since all book covers are alike except for the tiles, please choose your entertainment by excerpt and title.

THE BOOKS ARE A PARODY INTENDED FOR ADULTS ONLY.

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  31

 

EXCERPT:  Whereas frogs were not unusual, they were not the norm and Pattie looked at the frog in disbelief and queried how much he wanted to borrow.  “How much do you wish to borrow?”  The frog replied, “60,696 crown.”  “Weoooo!” reacted Patti.  “That’s a butt full of crown.”  (Butt full was a financial term) (Nit was not) (Go with it)

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  32

 

EXCERPT:  “Kartoffelpuffer sounds like someone stealing a baby penguin,” quipped the snail in his upper-crust accent, while polishing his monocle, bought from Harry’s Used Monocle and Fish Brewery, Ale forWhat Ails Ya.

 

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  33

 

EXCERPT:  Baals picked at his grapes, too many seeds for his appetite and said, “The French venue had an obvious advantage for the games.”  He waved his beret with a flourish, as if the evidence existed in the tired old café’s ambiance.  “But the Singaporeans were eager to host the games in their country, so with ingenuity and after a night of eating popsicles, they developed...

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  38

 

EXCERPT:  Bob and Joe were walking home late one night from the pub.  Neither had been drinking, well, actually, they had been indulging in diet soda.  Bother were on a diet.  Aye, they worked at the Dye It, Fashionista Pharmaceutical and Branding Company and Trade School for the Brilliantly Impaired.

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  34

 

EXCERPT:  Her travels found her making many sojours.  She went up the hills, down the valleys, over the deserts, and stopped at an oasis known as, Oscar’s Oasis, BBQ Grill and Watering Hole along with Whitewater Rafting Tours for the Incontinent.

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  37

 

EXCERPT:  Thinking she needed a sales tool, she adjusted her blouse in a way that the not-so-little girls came out to play as she sold, “Then how about, Crème Dream, Rubber Dub-dubs, Dohickie Hickie Maker, Niptatious Nail Polish Polishers, Spin the Bottle Cheater Bottles.”

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  35

 

EXCERPT:  “Never mind.  I had to convince Hamlet Fish and Wildlife and Party Boat Rentals that I needed the wood to save the owls.  That was a tough sell but one agent had this wrath of God fear syndrome and caved.  I got my permission but get this, they wouldn’t let me catch any owls.  So no owls.  What a bunch of nearsighted autonomatrons.”

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  36

 

EXCERPT:  Just outside Hamlet was a magical forest, with magical vegetation, magical insects, magical animals, magical folk, magical fairies, elves, gnomes, magical dust and dandruff, and given that, magical stuff was happening all the time.

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  39

 

EXCERPT:  A burglarizing raccoon name Raccoon, donned his furby mask and under apte stealth pilfered all by three of the nuts of a squirrel with a mile-long tail, named Squirrel with a Mile-long Tail.

TITLE:  FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET  40

 

EXCERPT:  Baby Bear opened the door to the Loan Shark, and confronted, used his endless charm to convince them that he shold have more time.  They agreed.  But that was the least of his worries, see, he had to tell Goldilocks and she was crossed-armed, tapping one foot and providing the hairy eyeball.

TITLE:  THREE BEARS  

 

EXCERPT:  This could be your everyday standard modern bear family.  Zero population growth.  Bears were adored but here was a limit to the amount that could invade any neighborhood or storybook world.  You might have heard this story.  If not, where the H E double toothpicks have you been?

TITLE: THREE BEARS SOME MORE 

 

EXCERPT:  He bounded about doing his greet-n-meet dance while all the hotties joined.  Mr. Ranger, sir was an average dancer, had only one move and it was more the hand jive, but he was a grand storyteller.

TITLE:  THE WRATH OF RATS

 

EXCERPT:  While she was sitting there a green-necked mallard waddled in and requested a grog.  “Bert...Dirty-shirt!  A tankard of best swill.

Barman, eyes a bit bulging with surprise, though nothing should have shocked him.  The duck did not fit, he was mallardjusted.  I mean, it’s not like he hadn’t seen it all.

TITLE:  KATIE WOODENCLOAK OR KARI WOODENGOWN

 

EXCERPT:  Gus-Gus sat on Cindi’s head, peered between huge loopy ringlets of red hair, looking at the Fairy Godmother with the same sad dejected look as he ate his last scrape of green-moldy cheese.  Cindi asked, “What did I do that Moma-ella hates me so?  (Moma-ella was the Stepmon)

TITLE:  FINCHES FEAR CATS

 

EXCERPT:  The oven door closed and she shook her head as if tossing away a thought.  “Let me finish my story.  The wife slipped into the back seat of the carriage and immediately told the driver that her husband would be right out.  Feeling that she did not want to let him know that the house would be empty she stated that her husband was helping her mother before they left.

TITLE:  SINGIN’ IN THE PUB

 

EXCERPT:  After a short version of A Hundred Tankards of Grog on the Wall which Eartha started out singing with gusto and enthusiasm, swaying with one arm around the Tortoise and the other around the Hare, thinking if she got lucky she’d prefer the slow and steady to the quick and outta here.

TITLE:  SHATTER’S REDEMPTION

 

EXCERPT:  Richard Cranium invented the first exhaust fan for shathouse use.  His prototype was installed in the outhouse at the pub, with much fanfare, cutting of ribbons and cheese, with an ensuing contest evaluating the noise level, duration and stench. 

How did this happen?

RETURN TO PAGE ONE OF

 

 

 

 

Little Books Parody