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BOOK ONE  ~  THE SIN IN CINDERELLA

PRELEWD ~  "Thank you. Thank you so much for everything." ~ Cinderella

             The sweet chirp of sparrows and the hazy sheen of noonday sun filtering through new spring leaves seemed to follow the two plucky girls as they strolled along the forest path. Both had grace that eclipsed the elegance of a black swan or the grandeur of a white raven, each had voices as sweet and soulful as the hypnotic melody of a flute, the pair had curvaceous forms that had spellbound frog-Princes vying for love's true kiss, bewitched bears, and bedazzled dwarfs. These lasses had the yen, the urge, the craving.... 

BOOK TWO ~  EARTHA THE PISSED

           We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~ Japanese Proverb

           Cindi received a text message, turned to her stepsister and said, "The chocolates I had especially made for you are done. I have to pick them up."

The rounder of the two looked astonished. "What? I didn't know anything about them."

           "It was to be a surprise." This precocious lass acted sincere, and she was good at it. Who wouldn‟t believe those warm, engaging eyes, that sweet lyrical voice, or the way she tilted her head so earnestly. Moma-ella wouldn’t buy it, that’s who, but when the Moma was away the horny... 

BOOK THREE ~ HAMLET BALLS

THE SEARCHER

                  "What comes after one?"

             "Two!"

             "Who wrote Tom Sawyer?"

             "Twain!"

             "Say your first answer twice and then your second."

             "Two..two...Twain."

             "And tomorrow I will teach you to say locomotive." ~ unknown 

BOOK FOUR ~ BALL COCK-N-BULL

SIR BAN

                 "If Jack's in love, he is no judge of Jill's beauty." ~ Benjamin Franklin

                 Sir Ban went to the Town Crier. A Knight of fame and reputation, he had many a lass toss roses as he passed. Not in honor, they hoped he got pricked cause his reputation was that of a.... (We're certain you can figure it out) He asked, "Call for me Jack and Jill."

           The Crier chanted, "Hear ye.... Hear ye.... Jack and Jill went up the hill.... To fetch a pail of water.... Hear ye.... Hear ye.... Jill forgot to take the pill.... So now they're expecting.... So it has been said.... So it will be heard." 

BOOK SEX ~ BALL WITH THE BEARS

STEPSISTERS

           What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged! ~ unknown

           The Stepsisters were mirror images of each other but for that distinct difference, the mass in the arse.

           They had taken jobs at the street café in hopes of seeing him again. Aye, the fella that they had chased off with their bickering over him. They both e-mailed him but neither received a response. What pain through yonder window broke that day, it's name was possibility.

           "I'll never forgive you," spat the svelte Stepsister. She raised her hand to slap…. 

BOOK FIVE ~ HERE WE GO A BALLING

PRELEWD

           "A woman's place is in the home." ~ unknown

           There was a distinct murmur more felt than heard. Something magical this way comes to Hamlet and Camelot. Some knew the truth. Others would be soon hearing. Aye, within a fortnight all would know, it was a Ball.

           The Knights of the Table Round would make the requests to Ball.

                 Would all be invited?

                 Nay!.... 

DONA PENZA RUTABAGA TATTLE, ESQ.

AND

ASSOCIATE WRYE BALDERDASH 

nom du plumes of Angelica Hart and Zi. 

The characters are eclectic, quirky pseudo gossipmongers who make Love of Literature Leaps into books.  Once there, they snoop on characters and plots, exposing all the sweet and or nasty little details.

They are columnists.  

 

 

BOOK SEVEN ~ BEARS, GIANTS AND PIGS

ARSE ETERS

           "Have you ever had an orgasm so intense that you passed out, fell off the shatter seat and no one found you until the next morning?" ~ Jack be asked Humpty as retold by Wrye Balderdash

           The Porgies, part-time farmers, had far too many jack-arses and had their herd made smaller by selling them to Bert. The arse augmentation allowed them to purchase a second oxcart which Georgie could use. He knew his dating would immediately improve.

 Momma Porgie thanked Georgie senior in that very special way. She made him potluck stew.

                 "This is great, dear!" wailed her hubby…. 

BOOK ET ~ THREEPETE

SIR LANCELOT, FORESHADOW

           “I think you're running into a lot of trouble if your idea of foreplay is, 'Brace yourself honey, here I come!'” ~ Phillip C. McGraw

                 Sir Lancelot, ah, all know of the gallant and most courageous of all Knights, we need not expound on his exemplary qualities, his exceptional height, his direct and penetrating gaze, his muscles that filled out his chest plate to perfection, his codpiece that was also amply filled. He voted by Studs and Buds as the Knight with the largest sword. Nay, we need not go on and speak of his stout legs, his Herculean strength, his baritone voice, his expertise with a sword...                 

BOOK NINE ~ GIVE DAT BIRD TA BALL

 PRELEWD

             A watched pot never boils ~ American idiom

 

             The circular Stepsister had just finished her second breakfast and was seeking out a snack to hold her over until brunch when her slinky slim sister appeared in the kitchen, peeked out the window, and then ran to the front of the cottage, peered out that window before opening the side door, running down the lane, looking to and fro, and then returning with a huge sigh. "Nay Knights in sight."

BOOK TEN ~ FINGERED…?

 THE CALL TO BALL CONTINUES

 They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation. ~ Oliver Goldsmith

 As so charged by King Arthur and so it would be, the Knights of the Round Table and their entourages would travel far and wide to hand deliver the invites. For there was to be a great Ball. A celebration of the coming out of Lancelittle, son of Lancelot and Genevieve…. 

BOOK ELEVEN ~ DOCTOR, DOCTOR

 DOCTOR, DOCTOR

 

             Cindi-ella Jiggles was love-dancin' on top of dePaul A dude she just met at Summersbee Court Mall Cindi is one of those dollies Who enjoys her giggle-n-jollies And she is never one to après say, "Is that all?" ~ Wrye Balderdash

             Schlep Soften, MMFD, earlier that month met with Silly Sarah Simon who was complaining that her hubby was not jumping her bones anymore. Doc Schlep did not want to tell her that she had big bones (Euphemism), she was a proud woman with a deep purse, so he went a different route.  

THE BOOKS ARE A PARODY INTENDED FOR ADULTS.

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BOOK TWELVE ~ BALLING LIST SET ~ SORTA

"What a beautiful day. The sun calls to rub me." She lifted her dress over her head.

They looked in stillness.

"I'm not shy. Nor do I find shame in my naked body. Do any of you?"

They were stoic.

 

BUY

BOOK THIRTEEN ~ LUCKY BAKER’S DOZEN

At a distance Wilma was forever pining for the affections of portly Fred. Loathing the actions of Betty and having very little interest in the advances of Barney. Aye, he was gentle and kind. Would get grog-faced and put all his weak moves on to seduce her. But Wilma's heart was elsewhere. Aye, she'd, like all Stoned U grads, would strip at a smile and bend for a sweet word, but though her katten was in, her heart was left out.

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BOOK FOURTEEN ~ PRINCESSIFICATION

"Do tell!"

"She said, right to him as if flattering him, that it was the biggest one she‟s ever seen. As if he grew it. I wanted to tell her about the ones down at the lake, but I remained silent. Anyway, ye Sista got quite brave, inched close to the thrashing leviathan and, get this, tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. He hepped her by holding both the eel and her head, fighting with both. That battle seemed endless. What a gutsy lass! You ought to be proud of her courage. She went down on that eel."

BUY

BOOK FIFTEEN ~ BALLING BEGINS

The man on the first floor placed his hand by his head to listen closer. The man yelled, "The saw!" The worker on the first floor shook his head as if confused. The man on the third floor started to signal, "I need," and he points at his knee, "the hand saw," and he moved his arm back in forth in a sawing motion. Classic!

BOOK SEXTEEN ~ THE BALL WAS ABUZZ

GP in the future.

"What do you call an animal with two grey legs and two brown legs?" GP smiled.

"What?"

"An elephant with diarrhea."

 

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BOOK SEVENTEEN ~ DIN OF BALLING

The limerick is poetry at its best

And should be loved more or less

It is the wit that’s keen

And of course can be clean

A cutesy fifth line is the ultimate test

~ Wrye Balderdash

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BOOK ETTEEN ~ DIN OF BALLING II

Stutter knew he was the one because she knew what she wanted. A fellafriend. A husband. And someone who would be kissing her arse the rest of her life. Donnie lived to kiss...her arse. Did whatever she asked to do so. It was good to know what you wanted, because that made it easier to get it.

 

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BOOK NINETEEN ~  SHAT HAPPENS

The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."

All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. (Still same)

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but seven pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.

 

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BOOK TWENTY ~  SHAT HAPPENS II

Cindi-ella 'tudedeslut could go from hello to humpin'-pumpin' as fast as anyone She met Augie Ballspa at the Grab Arse Mall, grabs his nads and while in mid-stun She quickly blew him in the changing room Of the famous Carl's-cock-n-Betty' s-bazoom A nouveau riche trendy boutique where they live-telecast such trysts for fun

~ Wrye Balderdash

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BOOK TWENTY-ONE ~  SHAT HAPPENS III

So why was he so interested in being discharged? He knew a plump-cheeked lass as well as the Ball's date and of course he wanted to Ball with her. Who wouldn't! Her name was Lil Petite. Did they Ball? Is it stupid to make brown colored TP? As a footnote, Robin and her wed and plunged his love arrow into her abundant beauty for two score years...accent on the score.

 

BUY

BOOK TWENTY-TWO ~ 

COMING SOON

BOOK TWENTY-THREE ~ 

COMING SOON

BOOK TWENTY-FOUR ~ 

COMING SOON

BOOK TWENTY-FIVE ~ 

COMING SOON

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The following are excerpts of tales from the THE FABLE OF SIN-SIN-CINDERELLA  series.

DONA PENZA RUTABAGA TATTLE, ESQ.

AND

ASSOCIATE WRYE BALDERDASH 

nom du plumes of Angelica Hart and Zi. 

The characters are eclectic, quirky pseudo gossipmongers who make Love of Literature Leaps into books.  Once there, they snoop on characters and plots, exposing all the sweet and or nasty little details.

They are columnists.