http://www.puresilvabannermaker.com/bannermaker/backgroundthumbs/sunset9.jpgText Box: Angelica Hart and Zi
Text Box: seduction               deceit                honor                suspense           darkness                lust          fury
                                                                         




ache             joy               forever                   love                 courage              struggles          sizzle     eternal

                                                                                                    
            fantasy                        chills                             passion 	                                                                                                                           
mystery                      tension                     thrills                                       crave                      anticipation	death

BOOK ONE

THE SIN IN CINDERELLA

PRELEWD ~

 

"Thank you. Thank you so much for everything." ~ Cinderella

 

The sweet chirp of sparrows and the hazy sheen of noonday sun filtering through new spring leaves seemed to follow the two plucky girls as they strolled along the forest path. Both had grace that eclipsed the elegance of a black swan or the grandeur of a white raven, each had voices as sweet and soulful as the hypnotic melody of a flute, the pair had curvaceous forms that had spellbound frog-Princes vying for love's true kiss, bewitched bears, and bedazzled dwarfs. These lasses had the yen, the urge, the craving, the hankering, and yes, those spirited hormonal urges that often beset those of never more a child yet not quite yet grown. A natural condition that was all the more fervent in this land of magic, enchantment, and well-honed oddity….

 

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BOOK TWO

EARTHA THE PISSED

BOOGIE DAYS AND NIGHTS

 

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~ Japanese Proverb

 

Cindi received a text message, turned to her stepsister and said, "The chocolates I had especially made for you are done. I have to pick them up."

The rounder of the two looked astonished. "What? I didn't know anything about them."

 

"It was to be a surprise." This precocious lass acted sincere, and she was good at it. Who wouldn‟t believe those warm, engaging eyes, that sweet lyrical voice, or the way she tilted her head so earnestly. Moma-ella wouldn’t buy it, that‟s who, but when the Moma was away the horny vowed to play.

 

"Then why are you telling me now?"….

 

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BOOK THREE

HAMLET BALLS

THE SEARCHER

 

"What comes after one?"

"Two!"

"Who wrote Tom Sawyer?"

"Twain!"

"Say your first answer twice and then your second."

"Two..two...Twain."

"And tomorrow I will teach you to say locomotive." ~ unknown

 

Cinderella just finished crocheting a pair of panties. She used the extra large crochet hooks so the knit would be loose, with lots of wiggle room in honor of Willy Wonka, aptly named. Willy liked to wiggle his wonka when wonking, and Cinderella expected him to visit later.

 

Unfortunately Willy was no Prince. Wasn’t even a noble. Not that Cindi was an elitist but something told her that the young man who'd take her to the stars would not be the average candy maker, nose grower, shelled egger, pumpkin eater, candlestick jumper guy. He‟d be something more, someone heroic, someone they wrote legends about, someone that would steal her heart with a look….

 

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BOOK FOUR

BALL COCK-N-BULL

SIR BAN

 

"If Jack's in love, he is no judge of Jill's beauty." ~ Benjamin Franklin

 

Sir Ban went to the Town Crier. A Knight of fame and reputation, he had many a lass toss roses as he passed. Not in honor, they hoped he got pricked cause his reputation was that of a.... (We're certain you can figure it out) He asked, "Call for me Jack and Jill."

 

The Crier chanted, "Hear ye.... Hear ye.... Jack and Jill went up the hill.... To fetch a pail of water.... Hear ye.... Hear ye.... Jill forgot to take the pill.... So now they're expecting.... So it has been said.... So it will be heard."

 

The couple walked up to Sir Ban and Jack, moving to the grooving of his own inner beat, said, "'sup?...."

 

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BOOK SEX

BALL WITH THE BEARS

STEPSISTERS

 

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged! ~ unknown

 

The Stepsisters were mirror images of each other but for that distinct difference, the mass in the arse.

 

They had taken jobs at the street café in hopes of seeing him again. Aye, the fella that they had chased off with their bickering over him. They both e-mailed him but neither received a response. What pain through yonder window broke that day, it's name was possibility.

 

"I'll never forgive you," spat the svelte Stepsister. She raised her hand to slap….

 

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BOOK FIVE

HERE WE GO A BALLING

PRELEWD

 

"A woman's place is in the home." ~ unknown

 

There was a distinct murmur more felt than heard. Something magical this way comes to Hamlet and Camelot. Some knew the truth. Others would be soon hearing. Aye, within a fortnight all would know, it was a Ball.

 

The Knights of the Table Round would make the requests to Ball.

 

Would all be invited?

 

Nay!....

 

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DONA PENZA RUTABAGA TATTLE, ESQ. AND ASSOCIATE WRYE BALDERDASH  are nom du plumes of Angelica Hart and Zi.  The characters are eclectic, quirky pseudo gossipmongers who make Love of Literature Leaps into books.  Once there, they snoop on characters and plots, exposing all the sweet and or nasty little details. They are columnists.  

 

The following are excerpts of tales from the THE FABLE OF SIN-SIN-CINDERELLA  series.

 

BOOK SEVEN

BEARS, GIANTS AND PIGS

ARSE ETERS

 

"Have you ever had an orgasm so intense that you passed out, fell off the shatter seat and no one found you until the next morning?" ~ Jack be asked Humpty as retold by Wrye Balderdash

 

The Porgies, part-time farmers, had far too many jack-arses and had their herd made smaller by selling them to Bert. The arse augmentation allowed them to purchase a second oxcart which Georgie could use. He knew his dating would immediately improve.

 

Momma Porgie thanked Georgie senior in that very special way. She made him potluck stew.

 

"This is great, dear!" wailed her hubby….

 

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BOOK ET

THREEPETE

SIR LANCELOT, FORESHADOW

 

“I think you're running into a lot of trouble if your idea of foreplay is, 'Brace yourself honey, here I come!'” ~ Phillip C. McGraw

 

Sir Lancelot, ah, all know of the gallant and most courageous of all Knights, we need not expound on his exemplary qualities, his exceptional height, his direct and penetrating gaze, his muscles that filled out his chest plate to perfection, his codpiece that was also amply filled. He voted by Studs and Buds as the Knight with the largest sword. Nay, we need not go on and speak of his stout legs, his Herculean strength, his baritone voice, his expertise with a sword, either, his intelligence, his valor, his... (Shut up already!) 'nough said.

 

As we were saying, Sir Lancelot was ordered by the King to handle his most delicate of all duties concerning the Ball.

 

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BOOK NINE

GIVE DAT BIRD TA BALL

 

PRELEWD

 

A watched pot never boils ~ American idiom

 

The circular Stepsister had just finished her second breakfast and was seeking out a snack to hold her over until brunch when her slinky slim sister appeared in the kitchen, peeked out the window, and then ran to the front of the cottage, peered out that window before opening the side door, running down the lane, looking to and fro, and then returning with a huge sigh. "Nay Knights in sight."

 

The waddle-n-roll Stepsister had followed the other, as she suckled down a pint of low-fat yogurt. She being an advocate of healthy eating. "Ya know, a watched Knight will never arrive." Her sister offered, "Says you."

 

Her sister offered, "Says you…."

 

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BOOK TEN

FINGERED…?

 

THE CALL TO BALL CONTINUES

 

They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation. ~ Oliver Goldsmith

 

As so charged by King Arthur and so it would be, the Knights of the Round Table and their entourages would travel far and wide to hand deliver the invites. For there was to be a great Ball. A celebration of the coming out of Lancelittle, son of Lancelot and Genevieve. King Arthur with the assistance of Merlin would be hosting the festivities at Camelot. Though it was a peaceful time there were still dangers. Dangers in forms that one would never consider. The peril of the Knight was omnipresent. Da da da daaaa!

 

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BOOK ELEVEN

DOCTOR, DOCTOR

 

DOCTOR, DOCTOR

 

Cindi-ella Jiggles was love-dancin' on top of dePaul A dude she just met at Summersbee Court Mall Cindi is one of those dollies Who enjoys her giggle-n-jollies And she is never one to après say, "Is that all?" ~ Wrye Balderdash

 

Schlep Soften, MMFD, earlier that month met with Silly Sarah Simon who was complaining that her hubby was not jumping her bones anymore. Doc Schlep did not want to tell her that she had big bones (Euphemism), she was a proud woman with a deep purse, so he went a different route.

 

"Try this herb."

 

"I don't cheat. Though Herb is a hunkdory collect of pucker-on-dis manhood."

 

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THE BOOKS ARE A PARODY INTENDED FOR ADULTS.